“Will Santa Claus go to both places?” My six year old daughter, Vivian, asked, with concern in her eyes. After reassuring her that Santa Claus was visiting both of her homes, it really sank: sharing time with my kids after my divorce means keeping the magic of Christmas alive when it looks totally different.

Last year was the first Christmas after my divorce, but our children were with me. This year will be the first time that I will not see the children running towards the tree at dawn; instead, they will visit me and open the rest of their presents after some time with their dad. At least by then, I’ll be caffeinated.

One of the hardest parts of sharing time with your kids is accepting the sense of grief that you missed them and freely protecting it. This year, to take some relief from what won’t happen on Christmas, I’m trying to focus on creating new traditions to withstand each year, whether my kids, Phoenix, 9, and Vivian 6, are with me or not. . bright and early Christmas morning.

“This year will be the first time that I won’t see the children running towards the tree at dawn.”

The tree is still a work in progress. Knowing that I would have a week less with my kids before Christmas, this increased earlier than last year when I first purchased the 7.5ft artificial tree, a slender Virginia pine with clear lights. It was bought after dreaming of a real tree, but the idea of ​​sliding a single one up two flights of stairs did not elicit a happy feeling, so I went for an artificial, wrapped tree. in a box and delivered right to my door.

During my lunch break at my remote job, I put in place the three parts that stick together and flattened the bendable branches. It was perfect. Last year we went to base and the kids and I hung uped-white-and-silver ornaments various shapes and cute angels from a 40 pack. This year we have added basketballs and snowman ornaments, as well as wooden decorations with our names engraved on them, from my mother.

The sight of the illuminated tree, even without a decorative skirt, made the stress of coming back to life and suddenly starting over less intense.

The point is, continuing after divorce can mean holiday traditions are being abandoned for a fresh start. Last year, I had ordered new stockings with my children’s names on them and two snow globes, something special to make the house festive. This year I plan to give the kids some new nutcrackers to display or play with. Maybe next year we’ll have a wreath or, I tell my son, maybe a remote train to go around the tree.

This time of year also brings a desire to see my mom, sister and nieces, and share a meal or bake cookies together. This won’t be possible though – not all families can share time together in person while on vacation, sometimes the distance and expenses are out of reach, and phone calls are made, packages sent, and text messages with photos are exchanged. Not having my immediate family nearby is one more reason to include Italian cookies in the brunch I make on Christmas morning with my children.

“As my children are moved from house to house this Christmas, a new ritual will have started.”

While my children are moved from house to house this Christmas, a new ritual will have started. TTo combat my sadness at waking up without their little feet running to the living room at dawn, I’m planning a special meal for the kids after the presents are opened. I’m a wreck in the kitchen, generally keeping it simple, but this year they can decorate their pancakes with sprinkles and other toppings and drink hot chocolate. We will also dip pretzels and fruit in melted chocolate, a tradition started by my parents.

And if everything burns, I’ll have frozen waffles ready.

I remember my mom’s fingers red with food coloring from making candy cane cookies as a child and the Advent calendar that kept counting down to Christmas morning. I look at our Christmas tree remembering that the year before my parents separated, Santa Claus brought me a beautiful doll with blue eyeshadow and blush on her cheeks. When I used a washcloth I could take the makeup off and it would reappear after the doll’s face dried and it was magical for my young eyes. I held the doll close to me, knowing that love was all around me. It’s the same feeling of joy I anticipate feeling when I open the door and my kids arrive to open the presents this year.

Some traditions remain intact regardless of the parents’ schedule. Santa Claus comes no matter where my children wake up on Christmas morning, and this year will be more meaningful than ever. Especially when they see that Santa Claus has drunk the milk on the table again and left half a cookie behind, just for their pious eyes to see.

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